Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Feeling a little down in out

So i don't know if i am feeling low about losing weight because i am tired from moving or the stress from work but i really had that bad feeling the last couple of days of just giving up. I haven't given up or given in, just want to veg and eat junk food. I know if i give in i will gain all the weight back, so i don't give in. I am so aware of what i get and how much i eat, that i believe that's why i am losing weight. Because before i would just pick out what looked good and make it for dinner. Now i think about how much calories and fat i am eating. I limit my salt in take. Plus no sweets ( Love my chocolate!!!!). But i know even if i eat something that is low fat and sugar i would eat tons because that's who i am. if i made low fat pudding i would eat all four servings the box makes without even thinking about it. Or if i buy the bag of candy that's no sugar i would wind up eating the entire bag by the end of the day or at least in two to three days. which still isn't that good. That's why i have taken all the crap out. But i miss eating anything and not thinking about it. which i think it sounds crazy when i write about it, but its what i feel. I also keep having crazy dreams about going off my life change, like last night i dreamt about eating a whole bag of laze barbecue chips. And i swear to you i can taste them now, But i know i didn't sleep walk and eat a bag because we don't have that type of stuff in my house.
Also i had a sweet tooth when i went the store the other day and bought honey. For some odd reason i wanted honey and i have been eating like 3 tbs everyday. its like 65 calories for on spoon full. it doesn't fill me up, just makes me satisfied for a second. I know honey is all natural, but is this craving of sugar a bad thing. I know when i quit smoking i craved them every once in a while and i knew if i gave in that i would have to start again. Is the honey going to be my down fall?
Another big thing right now is that i don't have Internet because quest is simple and keeps messing up my work order. I should have had Internet last week! So i don't have my outlet of talking to people online about my struggles or talk on my blog about my worries. Honestly i just want to keep going and Finish what i have started. I don't want to let the weight win, that is my biggest fear. So i have really just been frustrated about life for about two weeks now. The move, not having lots of people to talk to at work because we now only have three people there, quest being simple, and just the everyday crap is getting to me for a second. I cant wait till the dumb snow to go away AGAIN, so i can go walking in the canyon or on Logan trail. It a good way to let go of the stress.

2 comments:

  1. Manda I miss you a lot. I did a not so smart thing. I'm home right now. You should ring me if you get this in a timely fashion.
    I love how you wrote that Quest is "simple." It made me laugh.
    I think you're being triumphant because you haven't given up. It's times like these that are hard but you're still doing your best. Well done. You're an inspiration to me.

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  2. dont give up. and you can always talk to me at work anyway (since I am one of the lucky 3) You are doing great. dont beat yourself up about mistakes, just start over and keep a positive attitude. You look great!!!

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